I'm changing my two-week-old son's nappy. He bursts into tears. His tears explode my heart but I can't comfort him because I'm exploding too, only I wish I had the primal courage to cry out like him. I am unable to soothe him. To tell him everything will be OK, because I'm not sure that's true. I've not told anyone about the days of incessant racing thoughts and snakes of paranoia, the strangling anxiety and rampant insomnia. I'm embarrassed because it sounds 'strange', 'dramatic' and 'silly', but nothing is 'OK' any more. So how can I say, out loud, that the day my son was born, and the brutal, postnatal, abstract hours since, have been the very worst days of my life? Stunned with fear and medical intervention and now whatever this is.
Struggling to nail transitional fashion? Our stylist reveals how to dress when all four season come in one day
I've been very confused of late. Every morning I wake up, and one burning question weighs heavily on my mind. Is it, you may ask, 'what will happen if Donald Trump gets in again'? Nope, not it. The Spring Budget? Also not it. It's how in the world am I meant to wear all of spring's glorious new trends when it feels like a snow-laden Narnia outside one minute and a relatively balmy day the next? I threw my puffer jacket into storage the moment the sun showed its face, only to haul it out again the next day. I am bored of my laddered tights and worn-down heels. But the weather's mood swings mean I have no idea how to wear my new clothes. What's a girl to do? Here's how to incorporate this spring's 'It Items' when the weather is as unreliable as your flakiest friend...
Femail style and beauty
- Going grey? Our beauty expert reveals the one makeup trick to make you look younger
- INGE VAN LOTRINGEN: I have half-circle 'troughs' under my eyes that make me look permanently exhausted - what can I do about them?
- Life's little luxuries: Designer lip oils
- Design doubles: Red Mary Janes
- Should you buy an anti-wrinkle straw to stop lines around your lips?
THE ROYALS
'It's chaos!' Carrie Johnson jokes about being a mother-of-three as she's warmly greeted by Queen Camilla during Buckingham Palace reception
Carrie Johnson shared a joke about motherhood with Queen Camilla as she was warmly greeted by the royal at a Buckingham Palace reception this afternoon. The wife of the former PM (left), 36, attended the relaunch of the Queen's Wash Bags project, which provides a bag of toiletries to victims of sexual violence. As the royal arrived for the engagement, Carrie lined up next to Love Island star Zara McDermott to be greeted by the Queen. In footage captured by the Daily Mail's royal editor Rebecca English , Carrie - who looked elegant in a red midi dress - curtsied for the Queen (right) as they shook hands. The two women then exchanged a peck on either cheek before trying to recall their last meeting.
Queen Mary and King Frederik accused of Photoshopping portrait
Royal watchers have accused Queen Mary and King Frederik of Denmark of photoshopping their first official royal portrait weeks after their British counterparts were slammed for putting out 'fake' Mother's Day pictures.
Smile and wave! Frederik and Mary ignore rift rumours as they arrive at summer residence - as King says having his wife by his side was the 'highlight' of his coronation
Queen Mary and King Frederik of Denmark were greeted with cheers from royal fans and a welcome from the local mayor yesterday when they travelled to Fredensborg Palace. Mary and Frederik have not spoken to the media directly for a while, as they faced questions about their relationship after pictures emerged of the monarch having an evening out with Mexican socialite Genoveva Casnova in November last year. But they sat down and chatted to Danish broadcaster TV 2, while onboard their yacht, Kongeskibet Dannebrog. Frederik said when they confirmed him as King of Denmark, he found it 'overwhelming', but it was his wife who helped him get through the historic day.
No hard feelings! Princess Tatiana of Greece makes her first public appearance since split from Prince Nikolaos was announced - and is joined by his mother Queen Anne-Marie
Princess Tatiana of Greece cut an elegant figure as she opted to don a vibrant sapphire-blue matching ensemble whilst accompanying Queen Anne-Marie, 77, to the event on 26 April. After almost 14 years of marriage, Princess Tatiana and Prince Nikolaos (pictured together top inset) shocked royal fans as they unexpectedly announced their separation on April 19. Prince Nikolaos' mother, Queen Anne-Marie, sat next to her former daughter-in-law (bottom inset) as the pair arrived together at the Panathenaic Stadium in Athens.
Blush beauty! Queen Letizia of Spain looks elegant in pale pink floral gown
Queen Letizia attended a reception for the Cervantes Award of Spanish and Ibero-American Literature on Wednesday. (left) The Spanish queen, 51, looked elegant in a pale pink floral gown as she joined her husband King Felipe at the awards in Madrid. (right) The stunning gown, which was embellished with 3D flowers, featured long sleeves and a pleated skirt.
Lady Lola Bute dons another see-through dress as she gives gushing speech inside her 25th birthday party: Aristocrat admits she 'hasn't always been easy' and thanks her mother for 'unwavering support' - while also paying tribute to her late father
Lady Lola Bute (pictured) gave a touching tribute to both her parents as she made a toast at her recent lavish 25th birth bash - admitting she 'hasn't always been easy'. Dubbed the 'party of the year' by some, the aristocrat, who is the daughter of the late John Crichton-Stuart, 7th Marquess of Bute and fashion designer Serena Bute (pictured) hosted guests at the family seat - Mount Stuart House on the Isle of Bute - including Sienna Miller , Charlotte Tilbury and Poppy Delavigne. The evening saw the host of well-heeled guests travelling to the remote Scottish island by ferry to party in a 19th Century Gothic revival dining hall. While they started off enjoying a calm black tie meal, of lobster, oysters and local beef, the do soon became increasingly debauched, with Lady Lola pictured dancing in front of a huge, inflatable mushroom at one point. However, among the more traditional aspects of the party, was Lola's speech, in which she thanked her mother Serena Bute and toasted her late father John Crichton-Stuart.
Red alert!Queen Máxima of The Netherlands stuns in scarlet
Queen Máxima of the Netherlands (left and right) had to hold onto her crimson hat today as she braved windy weather to attend the opening of an Amsterdam restaurant geared towards the refugee community.
RUSTLE UP
- Sun-blushed tomato chicken Kiev This variation on the usual chicken Kiev has a delicious tomato filling. It is decadent but well worth trying. Serve with a green salad.
- My traditional steak and kidney pie A good steak and kidney pie is a wonder to behold. It's best to start preparing this the day before
- Carrot cake with orange buttercream and walnuts This is made extra special by the addition of dates, which give it a slightly Middle Eastern flavour
- Chocolate fondants People are scared about making these, fearing they won't achieve the melting chocolatey middles, but once you get the timing right, fondants are really easy to do
Core blimey
- French apple rose tart Apples and pears as you've never eaten them before
- Slow-cooked pulled pork wraps with apple salsa Core blimey: Slow-cooked pulled pork wraps with apple salsa
- Bramley & butternut squash soup with gorgonzola cream Apples and pears as you've never eaten them before, in a savoury tray bake
- Poached pears with blackberry drizzle and hazelnut shortbread Poached pears with blackberry drizzle and hazelnut shortbread
masterful meals
- Masterchef 2008 champion James Nathan's pea and white truffle soup with Parmesan galettes
- Masterchef 2014 Champion Ping Coombes's nasi goreng with sambal belacan
- Masterchef 2010 champion Dhruv Baker's cherry and hazelnut chocolate roulade
- Masterchef 2016 champion Jane Devonshire's roast pheasant with a chestnut and cider cream sauce
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DON'T MISS
Triplets who were forced to wait 18 YEARS to discover their birth order finally learn the truth - and their reactions are hilarious
Janie Hilbert, who is from the US, took to TikTok to share the moment that she - along with brothers Wright and Luke - found out who was officially the oldest and youngest. Their parents had decided to keep their birth order a secret until their milestone birthday despite the trio 'begging' to know. Janie and her siblings were all very expressive after finding out the results - but admitted that it did not alter their bond.
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BEST REAL LIFE
Woman gives birth in the back of a Ford Mondeo after getting stuck in traffic on her way to the hospital
A woman gave birth to her baby in the front seat of her Ford Mondeo - after getting stuck in traffic on the way to hospital. Demi Clark, 22, (left) from Whiteleas, South Shields, was 40 weeks pregnant when she began getting cramps, indicating she was going into labour. Demi jumped into the car with her partner Daniel Moy, 32, and her mother Maria Clark, 41, (right) and they sped off to Sunderland Royal Hospital.
TRENDING NOW!
Furry scary! People share moments their beloved pets have given them a fright
Pet owners around the world have shared snaps of their beloved animals that struck fear in their hearts, collected into a gallery by WackoJaco. From a black cat who appears to have discovered witchcraft to a hamster whose sleep was so deep its owner thought it was dead, the owners of these pets have had quite a fright.
MORE MUST-READS
Inside the wedding of the year! Billionaire PLT founder Umar Kamani and model fiancée Nada Adelle throw lavish white poolside party as they prepare to tie the knot in the south of France with celebrity guests
It's surely the wedding of the year - and certainly one with a lot of money behind it - as billionaire PLT founder Umar Kamani and his model fiancée Nada Adelle (inset) have jetted to the south of France to tie the knot. The couple kicked off the first evening of their four-day wedding nuptials with a lavish white party at the luxury Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc on the French Riviera, the exclusive resort linked to Eden Rock, owned by Pippa Middleton's in-laws. The stunning bash certainly did not disappoint, as celebrity guests were treated to a poolside party with views over the ocean. Nada - soon to become Miss Pretty Little Thing - took to the stage with Umar during a performance of Use Somebody by Kings of Leon, which was performed by American rock band The Dangerous Summer (pictured left). Umar is also pictured far right.